Recently, a friend and I had a good conversation about societal expectations that I would like to share. So often certain expectations, usually a combination of society’s norms enhanced by those of your family, your surrounding social circle and of yourself, hold people back from following their dreams.
My friend told me about her mom who had always wanted to go to Peru to climb Machu Pichu. She has had this dream for at least 15!!! years. And she has never acted on it. This woman holds the belief that she is not in the position to follow her dream. She would have to take off of work for a while, which might get her fired, she would then never be able to get a new job again because of her age, aka she would eventually get in trouble financially. So she kept working and never travelled to Chile.
Similarly, many ‘older’ people I have talked to envy me for ‘still being young’. They say things like “enjoy this time while you can!”, “When you have children you won’t be able to travel as much anymore”, and “Oh what I would give to be in that phase of my life again.” And I get it, when you have a family you are no longer just responsible for yourself but for other souls too. So taking a leap feels too risky.
When I tell people that they can follow their dreams because others have done it too, they sometimes say something like “well, for every person that ‘succeeded’ there is 100 that did not.” But that is the wrong mindset. Following your dreams is not about succeeding. Following your dream, following your passion, will bring you happiness and joy and gratitude because you are following your dream, your passion. When it comes to following your passion there is no success or failure. Going for your dream, your passion in itself is the victory.
It is about having the courage to do something that society, or your family or friends and yourself have been teaching you your whole life not to do: take the risk. We all grow up with the idea that security of income should be your priority in life. It is almost as if security of income would equal happiness. But since when is mere survival the same as happiness? We shouldn’t just survive, we should live!! Being happy should be your priority in life!
Yes, if security of income is truly necessary for you to make you feel safe and happy, okay, valid. Establish that security of income first. But be honest with yourself. Because most people that say this have a secure source of income and are not happy. They make income a priority out of fear and they still do not feel safe when they have it. Instead they feel stressed because time is ticking away and with that the remaining time to live life is slipping away too.
There is no rulebook in life that says you have to grow up, that there is an age on which you should move your dream from the to do list to a dream locker to get a secure job. And I hate to break it to you, but doing a job you hate to be able to afford your dream later is usually also not the way to go. I learned this when I heard a heartbreaking story.
One of my neighbors worked really hard to be able retire early so that he could travel after, that was his dream. When I was a teenager he suddenly got really sick and passed away weeks before his early retirement. I found this so heartbreaking when I heard it. And even though I was only about 16 years old I realized that that was not the way I would live my life. I was not going to work to only be able to live my dream later. You never know what will happen to you, so try to live at least part of your dream every day. Slowly turn your life into your dream life, make your dream your life.
If you want to travel through South America but are still saving up money, make sure you at least earn money with a job you do not hate. And take a Spanish course on the side already. Maybe even take a job at an organization or company that works in South America too. Try and meet people from South America already, get connections. Scout possibilities. Make your dream your priority and build your life and your other responsibilities (responsibly) around that.
The rulebook that has imprinted on us that we when we grow older we can no longer dream and that we should just work is a capitalist rulebook. Such norms only exist because it benefits the capitalist system.
Sometimes when I bring this up in a conversation with parents they say they cannot take those risks because they are responsible for more souls than just themselves. Valid point. You might be able to take less risky risks. But think about who you are responsible for. I am assuming you want them to be happy. What does your exemplary role teach them right now? Does it show them how to be happy?
I feel like people won’t take my advice because I am young, because I am still in ‘that phase where you can travel and follow your dreams and not work too much and not worry about a stable income yet’. If that is the case for you. Have some patience. I do not mean wait until I am older. Instead, follow me just a little longer. Because I will find the people that have done it. The people that worked themselves (or quit themselves) into ‘that phase’ again. The people who took the risk and pulled themselves out of the system. I will capture their story and hopefully these stories will inspire you.
To conclude: Phases in life are a construct based on society’s norms. Which means that phases in life can be (re)created. You just have to take the leap, be creative and trust the universe that things will work out for you. When you do something you love, you will raise your frequency and the universe will work for you more and more. And!! Let me know how it goes! Perhaps you can be the story that will inspire someone else.
We don’t stop playing because we grow older, we grow older because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw
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