Remember when you would ask your parents how many days it is until the weekend, or until a playdate? That is what this summer felt like. We got so lost in the present moment that we not only lost track of what day it was, but also of whether something had happened yesterday or three days before. Time went missing and I loved it. The last time that had happened for so many days in a row had been a long time ago.
As a child I knew three times: today, tomorrow and a place in time where my dreams lived eternally. Somehow this summer brought me back to that experience of time. It reminded me of what a funny concept time can be when you do not pay attention to it, but instead focus on everything outside of it. This is also one of the main practical lessons I learned from Zen meditation: focus on being present and you silence your mind. The past and future are strategies of your mind to function and remain in control. That is why the mind habitually denies or resists the Now, as Eckhart Tolle (2010, 31) also explains in The Power of Now. He also contends that time is an illusion. Indeed, I experienced that time literally does not exist when you act like it doesn't. So on the fifth day in the van, it felt like I had been living in a van in Portugal for five weeks already. It felt like I had entered the place in time where my dreams live.
Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is. — Eckhart Tolle (2010, 49)
To give you the short backstory: I had been wanting to go to Portugal for months. Two of my friends are living in their VW T3 and they had invited me to come and join them for some time. For months the idea lived in my heart and on my vision boards — one on my wall and one on my phone's background. It was only in the summer that I started planning to join them. Ideally, I would have my own van so we could freely move around instead of being dependent on campsites. I asked around and my cousin and his girlfriend were willing to lend me their VW T5 for nearly three weeks. I was thrilled!!!
To cover the gas costs, split driving time and keep myself company I tried to find a driving companion. Two weeks into most people's summer holidays, I was late with asking and so the friends I asked had plans already. Being determinant to pursue this summer dream, I made a Bumble account. Although I matched with some kind and adventurous souls, no one was available so last minute. My last resort was the carpool app Blablacar where I received some carpool requests. However, it was difficult to estimate how much I would manage to drive each day and so none of the requests felt good. At this point, I was considering going way over my budget and going by myself.
Just as I had committed to that idea, less than a week before leaving, there was a hiccup with the insurance. More costs. This would be too much. I asked myself what felt like the right thing to do, but my entire body was clouded by an uncertainty that left me indecisive. Being out of other ideas, I did a tarot card reading. Am I supposed to go to Portugal? Card: screaming yes. Am I supposed to go do vanlife in Portugal? Big yes. Not seeing how to make this happen, I had been considering a surf camp. Am I supposed to go to a surf camp in Portugal or France? A clear no. Finally, I drew an advice card. The card's message was crystal clear and spot on: have patience, your determination and hard work will pay off and financial success will come your way. But how much patience could I still afford? I had tried everything and I was supposed to drive away in three days... To put an end to the restlessness in my body I decided not to go. I found peace in that decision - any decision - and surrendered to the deep faith that everything happens the way it is supposed to happen. If I am not supposed to go, I cannot do anything to make it happen. If I am supposed to go, there will be a way.
A few hours later my friend in Portugal texts me: “a friend of ours wants to join you! He wants to drive with you and camp with you. Should I give you his number?” My heartbeat increased. Just when I had found peace in staying where I was, a door had opened. Going to Portugal in a van, doing vanlife with a stranger and splitting not only driving costs, but all the costs. It was definitely an adventure I would be crazy enough to sign up for... Should I? It was an opportunity that had almost magically presented itself. But I do not believe in magic. Magic is just that which we cannot (yet) understand or fail to see. For the universe, or God as some might call it, everything is possible. I know that and still I did not trust that knowledge in that week. After having worn out all of the possibilities I could think of, I felt pressured by time and assumed my summer dream of vanlife in Portugal would have no chance of survival. Only when I fully surrendered back to the knowledge that whatever is supposed to happen will, the universe could work its 'magic'. It did not matter when I made that decision because the universe does not abide by time. So when I, three days upon leaving, decided to trust blindly in whatever outcome, the universe created a way I had not envisioned.
After some back and forth texting with my friends' friend, both of us took the leap and said yes. We were doing it.
Two and a half days later we first met in front of the train station. We spent the next three days on the road and slept in places that revealed themselves only in the morning when we would see them in the light after arriving in the dark the night before. We listened to all the music genres in our playlists. We navigated through villages for freshly baked breads from French boulangeries and spontaneously took highway exits when seeing a body of water with the potential for a bath. Within days we had created our ways of living in the small space that was our home for the weeks. After three days of driving, we arrived in Portugal and hugged our mutual friends. Soon the four of us found a routine in our ways of living, combined with no routine at all and always leaving late. We talked, we laughed, we played. We spent our days outside and planning our days based on the weather and surf forecast on the coast. I do not remember what day it was, but soon it felt like the four of us had been camping and driving in Portugal since the remembrance of time — or perhaps, more accurately, since the forgetting of it. All of a sudden, without realizing, I found myself living the experiences and feelings portrayed on my vision boards. Without thinking, I was living in the place in time where my dreams live.
In dreamtime life remains eternal as long as you do not count the days. When I started writing this blog, I thought that maybe we deliberately lost track of the days in Portugal because we knew there would be too little of them anyway. But now that I am finishing this blogpost, I am realizing that for me it actually never felt like there was too little time because all of it was lived to the fullest. So perhaps that is the final lesson I take from writing this post: there is no time to lose when you are consciously alive in the present at all times. Today and dreamtime were never separate — and now that I come to think of it, as a child I also never saw them as such. So once again the lesson is one of relearning: dreamtime exists, and only can exist, today.
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As I rented the van from a family member, we got our car insurance via PaulCamper which was super easy and I would highly recommend!
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